Merry Christmas Anyway

I took the term "light up my life" a little seriously this year. I never did like that song, but I figured we could use some extra cheer this season. What I cannot explain is why I spent so much time fixing up the outside when the inside has been in desperate need of cleaning and organizing for the last um...year and a half or so. Yes, that's when we moved in.

Maybe it's because no matter how hard I try or how many times I put things away, they return to the kitchen counter and table within minutes. In the past I've told people that I don't believe in magic but I'm officially recanting my statement due to the junk reappearing trick that happens in my kitchen on an hourly basis. Above is how the exterior looks and for your holiday pleasure, the interior is below.
I realize it's full of Christmas stuff, but do not be deceived, there's always a collection of this, that, and the other on there. It's awesome.

As much as I'd love to write more about my housekeeping measures, it's time to move on to something more nailbiting. I've recently become reacquainted with my good friend, mr. cough drop. It just wouldn't be Christmas without him. I'd like to thank him and his friend, the cough, for visiting me faithfully every November and December.

Of course, it's not surprising how much I think about past Novembers and Decembers now. There are so many precious memories and traditions in this time of year. They are bittersweet to remember right now but I suppose one day they will be more sweet than acrid. We have missed T painfully for six months. I try to prepare for the things we know we're going to miss before they arrive, but sometimes an emotion or a little forgotten memory springs up without notice.

Many people ask how Steve and the rest of the family are doing. It's a tough question to answer. The sadness and loss are ALWAYS there, below the surface. You never know the hour, day, or week that you're going to completely drown in it. It's not predictable or explainable. Mandy describes it perfectly as the hole. If you've lost a close person who you really, really, really love, you know that it's not just a hole in your heart, it's a hole in your entire being. The hole constantly takes your breath away, freezes your brain, stops your heart, and weighs down every organ in your body. It's so crippling that you can't believe what has happened and even after six months, you continually ask yourself if it's real. It's still hard to imagine that we don't have T, everything's so different without him, we love him so much.

Now that I've cried my eyes out, I don't know how to move onto the other things I wanted to say so I'll just end with this quote that's been on mind since I read it a month ago. It was originally attributed to Churchill but the quote police are now saying it wasn't him (too bad because it's a good one.)

"You make a living by what you get; you make a life by what you give" ~unknown

When it's all said and done, I would like to say that I gave as much love as I could, not just at Christmas but year-round. I'm still a work in progress.

Thanks to everyone for all the love you've shown us. Merry Christmas in the best way you can grab ahold of it. We love you all!