Seems like I live in a world of "should's" that rarely turn into "did's" lately. I haven't updated my blog because I feel like I should write about what I'm grateful for since we're close to Thanksgiving now. I also feel like I should write equally about the happy and sad things we're experiencing, but when I sit down to write, the sad stuff takes over and I decide that I should not write after all. Instead of writing, I'll go public with my lists of both:
What I'm Grateful For
Good, happy children
Mint Oreos
Sweet, funny husband
Giving, loving family members
Gill, Colorado (because I can still feel my Grandpa there)
Friends who help you plant tulips in the snow because you procrastinated
Cootman
Friends who pretend to like coffee
Broncos kickin' ass and takin' names game
Insulin pumps
Ikea pillows
Antibiotics
Pink Houses
Furnaces
Mrs. Quarnberg
Cooperstown & Coolhand (Brooks would be bored out of his mind without them)
Cousins
Football
Good boss
A garage
Diet drinks
What I'm not Grateful For
Reading the article about dog fighting in LHJ
That "an eye for an eye" is no longer an acceptable form of punishment
Mint oreos
Physical pain associated with grief
Watching the love of your life experience true loss, complete heartbreak, & physical pain associated with grief (and having nothing to console such)
Cramps
Diabetes
Fat
Jewelers commercials
Early mornings
Losing Tug
Cankers
Laundry
Raiders
Chargers
People who eat just before teeth cleanings
Idiots who park in the school drop off zone every damn day
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Maturity
It bugs me when 30-something year olds act like teenagers...
Time to grow up people...seriously.
Time to grow up people...seriously. Friday, October 1, 2010
New Sheriff in Town
It's been said that when you have a pet pass onto the other side, there's a possibility they can communicate to you through another animal. At this point in my life, I don't care if you call me crazy, insane, deluded, whatever, but I believe the theory. I'm not saying that Tug is trying to speak prophetics or guide me in any direction, but sometimes Coot looks at me in the just the right way and I know Tug is with me.
Cootman came to us while his family went on vacation in May. Coot was 9 months old and was on his second family, but they were also considering giving him away. He was urinating in their house, so they frequently kept him in the garage or tied him to a leash in the house. I don't fault my friend because Coot was the first dog her and her husband ever had. If you have a smaller dog, you are familiar with occasional accidents and clean-up. If you are Steven, you're not as patient about this either, but luckily you have a wife and kids that are.
Anyways, Coot being their first dog wasn't working out like they thought so we happily agreed to keep him. I swore I'd never get another pet after losing Tug. I didn't want to experience that heartache and emptiness ever again in my life, but then Tug sent us a little band-aid. Our new heart patch had the same name as our nephew Cooper, so we tweeked his name a bit (he never knew the difference) and here we have the Cootster.
Cootman came to us while his family went on vacation in May. Coot was 9 months old and was on his second family, but they were also considering giving him away. He was urinating in their house, so they frequently kept him in the garage or tied him to a leash in the house. I don't fault my friend because Coot was the first dog her and her husband ever had. If you have a smaller dog, you are familiar with occasional accidents and clean-up. If you are Steven, you're not as patient about this either, but luckily you have a wife and kids that are.
Anyways, Coot being their first dog wasn't working out like they thought so we happily agreed to keep him. I swore I'd never get another pet after losing Tug. I didn't want to experience that heartache and emptiness ever again in my life, but then Tug sent us a little band-aid. Our new heart patch had the same name as our nephew Cooper, so we tweeked his name a bit (he never knew the difference) and here we have the Cootster.
He doesn't have many potty mishaps anymore and he is awesome with Emma and Brooks. He sits by Brooks every morning and gets read to, or talked to, or anything that provides attention.
He "helps" with dishes...
He leaps super high for everything...
He "helps" me find stuff...
Friday, September 10, 2010
Never Forget
In the midst of our recent months in hell, Trav has crossed many of our hearts and minds often. Karianne has also proven to be everything that we always knew she was. Through patience, diligence, and love, she has all the children under her roof again. I know Trav is proud of her and that his wings rest a little easier now that the girls are back in her care, with their brother, in the house that Kari & Trav put their hearts into.
When I think of Trav, I remember his gorgeous, long eyelashes. And his eyes sparkled so much that I had to use the red-eye fix on EVERY photo I ever took of him. I can also hear Trav's gentle voice, asking me how the kids are and him laughing at my sister giving him crap. My sister, Val, set Trav and Karianne up 11 years ago. Kari brought Trav on a family trip with us a little thereafter, and I still remember the way he made her laugh. We had all long gone to bed one night, but Kari and Trav remained awake, laughing for hours.
Trav always had his daughters with him too. Since Trav was Val's boss for a few years, I knew that he was a committed father who had worked hard to keep his girls after his divorce. That pretty much said it all for me.
It's been two years since we've seen this wonderful man, remarkable dad, and devoted husband. I HATE and LOATHE esophageal cancer with every inch of my heart. It may not be prejudice of who it hits, but it only takes the good ones, I swear.
We love you Trav! We miss you! We are trying to enjoy the "up's" because of you. We will never forget you Trav, ever.
Travis H. Beus, 36, passed away Wednesday, September 10, 2008, after winning a fearless battle with esophageal cancer and now he is finally home.
He was born July 9, 1972, to Keith and Linda Beus. He was raised in Warren, enjoying many years of horse racing with his parents, and playing football. He graduated form Weber High School in 1990 where he was a member of the Spiker’s Rodeo Club.
In 1993, Travis married Kellie Loveland and together they had two daughters, Ashtin (13) and Sydnee (11). They were later divorced. As a single dad, Travis willingly and lovingly raised two little girls, (one for each arm). His daughters were constantly by his side and will forever cherish their years with their daddy.
On October 6, 2000, two families became one when Travis married Karianne Carpio Valdiviezo. Along with her son, D.J. (16), they enjoyed numerous family vacations, camping, 4-wheeling, and hanging out at home watching all types of sports and car races.
Trav’s first priority was always his family; he was very involved with the kids’ schooling and activities. He was the definition of a “good guy”. He was a quiet, unassuming person who made friends easily and left a lasting impact with whomever he met. Throughout his life, Travis was positive, he had that never give up attitude and always rooted for the underdog. He touched the lives of many people; he will live on in all of us.
Travis was previously employed at Fresenius Medical and DFG, Inc., and currently worked at Hill Air Force Base.
He is survived by his wife and children, his parents, a sister, Traci (Wendell) Kenison, of Brigham City, and Grandma Henrietta Hess.
Travis was preceded in death by his grandparents, Tracy R. Hess, Henry and Wanda Beus, a brother, Corey, and a cousin, Kristie Jacobsen.
Our family wishes to thank family and friends, Dr. Vincent Hansen and his staff, the nursing staff at Salt Lake Regional Hospital, and the men and women of Hill Air Force Base who donated their annual leave. We cannot put into words the appreciation we have in our hearts and could not have made it through this last year without you.
When I think of Trav, I remember his gorgeous, long eyelashes. And his eyes sparkled so much that I had to use the red-eye fix on EVERY photo I ever took of him. I can also hear Trav's gentle voice, asking me how the kids are and him laughing at my sister giving him crap. My sister, Val, set Trav and Karianne up 11 years ago. Kari brought Trav on a family trip with us a little thereafter, and I still remember the way he made her laugh. We had all long gone to bed one night, but Kari and Trav remained awake, laughing for hours.
Trav always had his daughters with him too. Since Trav was Val's boss for a few years, I knew that he was a committed father who had worked hard to keep his girls after his divorce. That pretty much said it all for me.
It's been two years since we've seen this wonderful man, remarkable dad, and devoted husband. I HATE and LOATHE esophageal cancer with every inch of my heart. It may not be prejudice of who it hits, but it only takes the good ones, I swear.
We love you Trav! We miss you! We are trying to enjoy the "up's" because of you. We will never forget you Trav, ever.
Travis H. Beus, 36, passed away Wednesday, September 10, 2008, after winning a fearless battle with esophageal cancer and now he is finally home.He was born July 9, 1972, to Keith and Linda Beus. He was raised in Warren, enjoying many years of horse racing with his parents, and playing football. He graduated form Weber High School in 1990 where he was a member of the Spiker’s Rodeo Club.
In 1993, Travis married Kellie Loveland and together they had two daughters, Ashtin (13) and Sydnee (11). They were later divorced. As a single dad, Travis willingly and lovingly raised two little girls, (one for each arm). His daughters were constantly by his side and will forever cherish their years with their daddy.
On October 6, 2000, two families became one when Travis married Karianne Carpio Valdiviezo. Along with her son, D.J. (16), they enjoyed numerous family vacations, camping, 4-wheeling, and hanging out at home watching all types of sports and car races.
Trav’s first priority was always his family; he was very involved with the kids’ schooling and activities. He was the definition of a “good guy”. He was a quiet, unassuming person who made friends easily and left a lasting impact with whomever he met. Throughout his life, Travis was positive, he had that never give up attitude and always rooted for the underdog. He touched the lives of many people; he will live on in all of us.
Travis was previously employed at Fresenius Medical and DFG, Inc., and currently worked at Hill Air Force Base.
He is survived by his wife and children, his parents, a sister, Traci (Wendell) Kenison, of Brigham City, and Grandma Henrietta Hess.
Travis was preceded in death by his grandparents, Tracy R. Hess, Henry and Wanda Beus, a brother, Corey, and a cousin, Kristie Jacobsen.
Our family wishes to thank family and friends, Dr. Vincent Hansen and his staff, the nursing staff at Salt Lake Regional Hospital, and the men and women of Hill Air Force Base who donated their annual leave. We cannot put into words the appreciation we have in our hearts and could not have made it through this last year without you.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Home Sweet Home
I must be getting older. I'm starting to look forward to sleep and delighting in the nights I get to stay home. I used to love being on the go. Having places to be made me feel important and fun. Lately, I'm happy when I look at the calendar and the day is completely blank. I secretly say a prayer to the schedule god that Steve won't want to go anywhere when he realizes we have nothing planned.
I'm not saying I don't want to be invited places or left out of things. I'm just thinking that a little simma down nah sounds relatively lovely. Maybe this is the slippery slope that leads to all social faux pas and destruction. One weekend of nothing eventful and the next thing you know, you're shopping at Wal-Mart in your pajamas.
Steve makes fun of the H-O-M-E deco I've placed on the mantle. We'll be sitting in the great room watching TV and he'll say, "Something tells me we don't just have a house...we have a home." Or out of the blue he'll ask a guest, "Are you getting an overwhelming feeling that you're at home?...We sure hope so." Thinks he's so funny, but I love being at home for so many reasons.
Hanging at home means that football has returned, and the recliner is mine every Sunday for the rest of the year! Home is where I know my kids are alright and blood sugar is stable for hours. Home stands for comfort and cuddling more with my Cootman. There really is no place like home...save The Lollipop Guild.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Hearts Amiss
I was going to try and write about something else today, but my mind keeps going to where my heart is...Steven without T.
It's been two months now. There have been many moments in the last 61 days when Steven's laugh is real and his jokes are genuine. I have seen more than flickers of happiness return to his face. We went to Steve's 20 year reunion last weekend and it was nice to see him have a good time with old friends. I am grateful to these friends for checking on him subtlety and getting him out.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that every day isn't completely full of gloom and sadness. There is light at the end of that colossal tunnel, but it's not always easy to see, especially when you're crawling to it.
We love you, T, and we miss you. Can't wait for hugs like this again, even if they're cheesy peesy.
It's been two months now. There have been many moments in the last 61 days when Steven's laugh is real and his jokes are genuine. I have seen more than flickers of happiness return to his face. We went to Steve's 20 year reunion last weekend and it was nice to see him have a good time with old friends. I am grateful to these friends for checking on him subtlety and getting him out.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that every day isn't completely full of gloom and sadness. There is light at the end of that colossal tunnel, but it's not always easy to see, especially when you're crawling to it.
We love you, T, and we miss you. Can't wait for hugs like this again, even if they're cheesy peesy.
Friday, August 6, 2010
My Own Personal Whys
Not necessarily meant to be answered, just throwing out questions I ask myself sometimes.
Why...
does Brooks walk into the room and turn on Spongebob, only to immediately stroll outside or down the stairs?
do wasps exist?
do I want a Whatchamacallit at 1am?
am I the only one in the household who puts new toilet paper rolls on the holder?
do I not like Black-eyed Peas music like 90% of Americans?
can't everyone check their noses and their children's noses before a teeth cleaning?
do I despise putting clean laundry away?
do my kids change outfits 18 times a day?
do mosquitoes love my blood?
can't some people just be happy for others who reach success, have great kids, do wonderful things, etc. without feeling jealousy or a need to compete?
can't Brooks' auto-immunity to the beta cells that make insulin just be reversed?
T? Why him?
does Coot bark more when Steven's around, the only one it bothers?
can't dogs live as long as horses?
is it hard for some people to admit they may have done wrong or caused hurt upon another? And is that really how they want to teach their children to be also?
does my husband see nothing wrong with transforming our garage into a batting cage when winter arrives?
can't I figure out how to make my blog header smaller? I feel like we're screaming HELLO READERS, WE'RE THE POLLS AND WE LOVE BALL!!!
do people, like myself, feel like they're intruding if they comment on an open blog? Every blogger knows we love positive comments from anybody and everybody.
am I starting to answer my whys?
do some heterosexuals care so much about gay marriage? Does it really destroy, damage, or physically hurt you as a human being or just your individual beliefs?
is it difficult to accept that others have different belief systems, especially beliefs that don't cause bodily harm to persons or animals?
am I singing, "What the World Needs Now is Love, Sweet Love...?"
can't washers and dryers live as long as horses too?
am I blogging instead of clearing out & organizing the last of our moving boxes when the space they're in looks like a county dump?
did an acquaintance ask the other day if I had seen So and So's big house?
does the size of someone's house matter more than the size of their heart, how their family's doing, or the type of person they are? Really???
don't I just go to bed before my why's get too impassioned?
Good night friends...or good day, depending on what time you read this :)
Why...
does Brooks walk into the room and turn on Spongebob, only to immediately stroll outside or down the stairs?
do wasps exist?
do I want a Whatchamacallit at 1am?
am I the only one in the household who puts new toilet paper rolls on the holder?
do I not like Black-eyed Peas music like 90% of Americans?
can't everyone check their noses and their children's noses before a teeth cleaning?
do I despise putting clean laundry away?
do my kids change outfits 18 times a day?
do mosquitoes love my blood?
can't some people just be happy for others who reach success, have great kids, do wonderful things, etc. without feeling jealousy or a need to compete?
can't Brooks' auto-immunity to the beta cells that make insulin just be reversed?
T? Why him?
does Coot bark more when Steven's around, the only one it bothers?
can't dogs live as long as horses?
is it hard for some people to admit they may have done wrong or caused hurt upon another? And is that really how they want to teach their children to be also?
does my husband see nothing wrong with transforming our garage into a batting cage when winter arrives?
can't I figure out how to make my blog header smaller? I feel like we're screaming HELLO READERS, WE'RE THE POLLS AND WE LOVE BALL!!!
do people, like myself, feel like they're intruding if they comment on an open blog? Every blogger knows we love positive comments from anybody and everybody.
am I starting to answer my whys?
do some heterosexuals care so much about gay marriage? Does it really destroy, damage, or physically hurt you as a human being or just your individual beliefs?
is it difficult to accept that others have different belief systems, especially beliefs that don't cause bodily harm to persons or animals?
am I singing, "What the World Needs Now is Love, Sweet Love...?"
can't washers and dryers live as long as horses too?
am I blogging instead of clearing out & organizing the last of our moving boxes when the space they're in looks like a county dump?
did an acquaintance ask the other day if I had seen So and So's big house?
does the size of someone's house matter more than the size of their heart, how their family's doing, or the type of person they are? Really???
don't I just go to bed before my why's get too impassioned?
Good night friends...or good day, depending on what time you read this :)
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