I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much ~Mother Teresa

I once posted the title quote for other family members who were going through their own scary trials. I absolutely did not intend for it to apply to me. I still wish it didn't, and for the first time in my life, I wish I had not been trusted.

My Sweet Boy, our Brooksie, was diagnosed with Type I diabetes last week. Brooks was urinating every 10-15 minutes so I called the doctor for an appointment. The nurse asked if he had the 3 other symptoms associated with diabetes and I told her that he really didn't. She reassured me that it probably wasn't diabetes then and asked if I still wanted to make an appt. I told her that I did, if not only for peace of mind. I never received that peace.

Instead, we were told to drive directly to Primary Children's to visit with the pediatric endocriniologist. I had no idea Brooks would be admitted for 2 days and that we would go through intense training on insulin injections and carbohydrate counting. I will not go into detail because it still hurts to recall those awful moments when you realize your child's life is forever changed.

So here we are, day 7 of giving our son 4-5 shots and finger pricks every day. Watching his every move and pleading for this to be nothing but a bad dream. Pleading to trade Brooks places even though we know the bargaining is pointless. We're no strangers to this useless bartering, but yet we continue the process. I know there are many parents who would trade us diagnosises and I know that this will not slow Brooks down, but I am his mom, and this isn't what I saw in his future.

These are my fears: I am afraid that people will not ask him to play at their house because they are nervous about him going to high or low. I am afraid that Brooks will feel unnecessarily different from other children. My heart breaks to think or write about it. I feel a little better every day but I still get down occasionally and its those times when I am afraid that I will never stop crying. I am afraid that last month's ride to hell is not roundtrip. Perhaps I am not the strong woman I thought I was.


But there is a bright side, Brooks is tougher than I ever imagined. He takes the needles and pokes like an ironman. He seriously hasn't skipped a beat. Also, I know that Brooks is being looked after by a new spirit in the heavens. People will believe what they may, but when the main nurse walked in and introduced himself as Travis, I knew it was nothing short of a blessing telling us that Brooks would be okay with his new protector. And by the way, thanks Trav. We will count it as an exchange for that Spidey yahtzee game you two never got to play.



Here's the spideyboy himself, getting blood drawn like a real man-

Brooks liked all the visitors and especially his black spiderman poster from Uncle Jeff which he made sure every hospital employee knew about. Unfortunately the camera ran out of batteries so I only got a pic of Andy & Kim. Before they came, we were right in the middle of a very important lesson from the pharmacist and Brooks was running from the foot of the bed and then bodyslamming himself into the head of the bed. Loud and frightening lightly describes the sound of the amusement Brooks was providing himself. Andrea and Kim liberated us once again.

Here's Brooks hiding in the cabinet. When his doctor told him goodbye at discharge, he told Brooks thanks for keeping the hospital in one piece. The doctor jokingly said he questioned otherwise after the many visits to our room.

Primary's is an amazing hospital. Their motto is "The child first and always" and they do live by it. Brooks saw this lifesize statue first thing and was immediately excited to stay.

He wanted Spidey to have a green bandage too

I'll picture him doing the same thing to my heart-

I wasn't kidding when I said Brooks had everyone wrapped around his pinky. He was so thankful to everybody. The patient's mom in the next room came and brought Brooks some toys because she said in the two days she had been there, she never heard a boy so appreciative and happy. She said she had fun listening to him talk to everybody. When we were leaving Brooks said, "Mom, thanks for bringing me," and then he turned and told the nurse, "Thanks for poking me." (Here I go, crying again)It's no secret that we are huge Denver fans. Another tiny blessing is that Jay Cutler, Broncos quarterback, also has type I diabetes. The cameras frequently show him checking his blood on the sidelines. Brooks thinks its cool that he has something in common with Cutler. Brooksie wore his #6 jersey two days in a row this week and only took it off because some food spilled on it. I was born with orange blood so Steve was a fan by association, but now his allegiance to Jay and crew is rock solid. Brooks has the heart and ability to be anything he wants and he will, no doubt, make his dreams a reality as well. Nick Jonas from the Jonas Bros also has type I diabetes so Brooks has many role models to show him he really can be all he hopes for. For now, he's just happy that he can still have his favorite- strawberries, ice cream, and M&M's. Sure he'll have to take a little more insulin for it but it's nothing his body didn't provide on it's own before. I also find comfort in knowing there are two other angels above watching over Mr. Energy himself, aka Brooks. Before last week, I was considering ceasing prayer altogether, but now I'll be wearing the knees out, praying for a cure. The doctor and staff said there will be a cure for diabetes in Brooks' lifetime. Some even say, it's about 10 years away, so please try to remember that in your prayers sometimes. And if you're a close friend or relative, plan on running, walking, and raising 'cuz we're going to try and speed up the proceedings whenever the opportunity arises.

In the meantime, if you're looking for a noticeable change in Brooks, good luck because you're not going to find it. If there are any odds against type I diabetics, Brooks will defy every single one of them. This disease will not define him. Brooks will be successful in so many other areas that people will forget he has it.

And as for your question Brooksie if "I'm just keeping you alive," the answer is yes, yes, and yes. I will do whatever it takes to always keep you here with us my Sweet Boy.